Ploafmaster General

Mole woman with her flagellum extended, dove into a pool of concrete fish nuggets. After displaying their cool ability to make armpit noises with their teeth, the nuggets burrowed into her skull with a 5/8 inch toenail bit, causing green corpuscules to exude from her pocketbook. At that very instant, the Improbability Ball shot out of nowhere, and ressurrected Sam the Barbarian. Sam, while eating green eggs and ham, crashed into a mental block of worm slime. While pondering the meaning of cheese, Mole Woman discovered Dweezil Zappa falling haphazardly from a petri dish. The bacteria in the petri dish decided to make Mole Woman queen. They lived happily ever after in pestilence and chunky creamed corn.

Jack dreamed of his love affair with the naked cowboy man. What did he have under his hat? Upon exiting the school building, his brain exploded through his ears. Individual chunks of his brain careened through the school yard dodging trees, and large vascilating sea animals. One chunk in particular, landed upon the brow of one(1) very obsequeous mole woman. She immediately proceeded to lick the chunk from her microbe sized greasy forehead by way of a pimpled tongue which protruded from her left tentacle. I thought only boys had tentacles.

One day, Jack decided to get up and go to school as usual. He got out of bed, dressed, and ate breakfast. Finally, he went out the door and walked to school, where he had a perfectly normal day.

...which I suppose is a warning of sorts.

Holy my crap, you need immediately to go to Homestar Runner's site and check out this toon.

Make sure you have sound. It's pretty much one of the best toons they've ever done.

Rock rock on.

What, I ask you, could be more thrilling than a 7' tall professional athlete, dressed in plate armor with a chain mail undercoating? How about a weaponized wheelchair? How about the on-screen death of Jud Nelson (who, by the way, hasn't aged a day since The Breakfast Club)?

This very AM, I was fortunate enough to catch the final half-hour of Shaquille O'neal's cinematic tour de force, Steel: a cutesy little tale of ex-Army scientists who try to defend Los Angeles from a less benevolent ex-Army scientist and his attempts to distribute ultra-sophisticated weaponry (some sorts of laser pistols, it would seem) to some rather unsavory locals.

Would any Shaq film be complete without a rap "song" from the man himself? Though I can't seem to recall the title of this wunderwerk, I can assure myself (and the rest of you!) that it must have been a pure masterpiece.

I am left in awe of Shaquille and his "triple-threat" ability. Just as he owns the court, he enforces his dominion over the musical and cinematic entertainment industries.

Here's to Shaq. I salute you, Big Guy. Keep up the great work!

Allow me to weigh in on my initial impressions of Mozilla's Firefox:

It rocks the crap out of MSIE, hands down.

Dan has already mentioned most of the reasons, so I won't go into them, but let me say this:

As a student who frequently writes papers while researching, I have always found it frustrating to have 3 to 4 browser windows open plus my word processor. It becomes difficult to see which pages are which, and it's an eye-killer just trying to look at the bar. With Firefox, all I'll ever need open are two windows, that's it. By sacrificing a centimeter of space in my browser window (though if I'm remembering properly, it's made up by the lack of a useless grey bar at the bottom), I save time and aggravation galore. I'd say it's worth it.

Gotta fly. I think I just wanted to make my first post in Danland, so now I have. More Brian-esque contributions will inevitably follow in the near future.

I just went and did something potentially wacky...I've decided to allow people to register with my website, and when registered, submit content for consideration to be published.

You can still comment freely without having to register/log in, but now you have the possibility of having your own post on my site!

Yeah.

I know.

You're as thrilled as a sleeping sloth on a summer day. But hey, this is mostly intended for my family and close friends, so don't feel bad if I toss everything you send my way.

I figure this is a good way to get more interesting content on my website, rather than trying to provide it all myself.

All right, this isn't going to be much of an interesting post, but I've found lately that writing is somewhat of a gentle opiate for my oft raging boredom. So I'm writing. Because I'm bored. But you figured that out already...

While I'm writing, I figured I'd extoll the glories of the Mozilla project's Firefox web browser. I use it exclusively at home, and nearly so at work - the time sheet system requires IE.

Now, as anti-Microsoft as I am, I wouldn't be writing about Firefox in this manner if it was merely an alternative. I'm writing this (and using it) because I've really found it to be a superior product. Here are some of the mighty strengths:

1. Tabbed browsing - allows you to have multiple pages open in the same window, on seperate tabs. May not sound like a vast improvement over multiple windows, but a) when you get used to it, you can't live without it, because b) it makes keeping related pages together a snap, among other things.

2. Excellent pop-up blocking - easier to manage than IE's new joint, I feel.

3. The powerful support of open-source software. Whether the security vulnerabilities are fewer because of a smaller user base or not, when problems do arise they're tackled quickly - big or small. That's because rather than a profit-driven firm trying to convey an image of reliability, we have a group around the world dedicated to creating/maintaining/using software that actually works well.

4. Extensions - wow, I just discovered this recently, and it has the potential to be extraordinarily powerful. Here's an example: I installed an extension called Adblock, only 70k in size. This allows me to block on the page advertisements, be they from Google or otherwise. This is pretty serious, because it allows me to see many of my favorite pages without flashing, bandwidth eating advertisements.

I know several friends who have already switched, and I know Valerie pretty much uses it all the time on our home computer without any complaints or difficulty switching.

I figure the more people that try to spread the news about Firefox, the bigger dent we can make in the boys of Redmond. And once one piece of open-source software starts to make an impact, more people will be accepting of others that come after, like the exciting Open Office project. Check it out, you won't regret it.

I'm happy to announce that yesterday, my wife Valerie and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary!

In an age and culture where marriage is cheap, I'm proud that we've lasted this long, and we both look forward to years and years down the road.

I love you baby :-)

So I frequent the website Engadget, all about the latest nerdy tech stuff, and they have an article on the site today about this rediculous new weight loss device which uses a vacuum pump to do something or other. The greatest part about this article?

"...Or you could walk outside in this thing and get punched in the gut a few times for looking like a dork. Either way the point is to get your blood moving, so go for the pressure chamber gut hickey if you must."

I'm pretty jazzed, in an extraordinarily nerdy fashion...

See, this week I've been in UNIX training, paid for by work. The guy who teaches the class is everything I'd expect from somebody who spends all his time in this world...and I like that. Today, he asked us (the three of us in the class) if anyone had a spare box (computer) lying around. I said I did, and so he suggested that I bring it into the classroom tomorrow. Basically, he's going to install the latest version of Redhat Fedora Core 4 on my machine.

Why am I jazzed about this?

Because this guy's a freakin' professional, and he's certainly going to do a far better job configuring my machine for Linux than my sorry arse did. This means I'll finally have a stable, powerful development environment for learning some of the stuff I've been meaning to.

Woot. Hooray for nerds!

So last night I was sitting on my sofa, alone in my apartment, when it finally struck me. I figured out the redesign for this website, and in my excitement began drawing it out on a piece of plain printer paper.

Whether or not you've been in my apartment, I'll explain the concept: Valerie and I have this really cool sculpture/relief thingy that her grandfather gave us. It's a scene of Salerno, Italy, right on the docks, and is made entirely from pieces of cut sheet brass and heavy brass wire. Absolutely awesome, and I hope to do it justice with my site redesign, however long it takes (yeah, maybe even a year...I'm that amature).

I hope to start hammering out the structural design first over the next few weeks as I dig through my books on PHP and a borrowed book called Designing with Web Standards by Jeffrey Zeldman. After that's straight, I'll start hashing out the appearance using the magic of CSS (that's to make it look pretty!).

Anyway, now that the creative block is out of my head, I can finally say with confidence that the redesign is officially underway!

Yesterday was a great day for football! Quick Recap (in order of I-care-ness):

1. The Miami Dolphins trounced the Denver Broncos 34-10, making new coach Nick Saban look pretty good at the start of the season!
2. The New York Giants ran over the Arizona Cardinals 42-19 proving that Eli Manning isn't just the lackluster novelty lil' bro of Payton...
3. The Pittsburg Steelers handed Tennessee their collective behind at 34-7 to show us that Rothlesburger still has what it takes (even without Plex), and
4. Peyton Manning and his Colts nearly took Baltimore with a shutout at 24-7 (the Ravens scored with 13 seconds left), with Indianapolis' defense surprising NFL fans everywhere.

Sixteen weeks left in the season, and I still have to watch tonight's game since McNabb is the lead QB on my fantasy team, the Jersey Trash.

If you live in the R-I-C and haven't been to the Canal Walk recently, you ought to go. Besides the unexpectedly temperate weather of late, there is a new feature worth checking out: A large, working, interactive model of a canal's lock system. Said model is constructed of large slabs of cut stone and bronze. There are two locks - each with their own pair of doors. A subterranean pump keeps the water flowing, and simple, out-of-sight mechanical systems adjust the water levels depending on which way the switches are thrown.

Sadly, the upper lock is already broken, but the model seems otherwise rugged. I hope somebody fixes it soon!

I just picked up three books recently at B&N, and I felt like sharing with the world what I got so as to give a bit of insight into how I think and what I think about. So here goes:

1. Hegemony or Survival: America's Quest for Global Dominance by Noam Chomsky
2. Beyond Chutzpah: On the Misuse of Anti-semitism and the Abuse of History by Norman Finkelstein
3. And the book I'm actually reading at the moment: Manufacturing Consent: The Political Economy of the Mass Media by Edward S. Herman and Noam Chomsky.

I'll let you draw your own conclusions :-)

Have you been to the gas station lately? What do you drive?

I drive an '04 Jetta, and it has the basic 2.0 litre, 4 cylinder engine. I have a stick-shift. I once drove 406 miles with the AC blasting on one 12.5 gallon tank of gas before the gas light came on (and that would've let me drive another 60 miles, according to the owner's manual).

But do you know how much it would cost me to fill my gas tank now?

Try about 40 bucks, roughly - that depends on where I fill up.

Gas prices went up TWENTY CENTS this afternoon alone here in the R-I-C, and even us folks with efficient engines are feelin' it. I genuinely feel bad for peeps I know sportin' 8 cylinders...My parents, my lil' bro, my older bro...sheesh. This is going to put a little financial hurting on everyone who drives.

I know this is all because of the Gulf situation, and I know people have it worse than I do. I know that it would cost me twice as much to fill up in the UK. I'm just venting. The US seriously needs to get off of this petroleum fix.

Me bro' Mugs has been writing a bit of delightful short pieces of late o'er at The Writing on the Bathroom Wall. Go check it out, especially the clever haiku...

I'm particularly glad that he seems to have resurrected the Perpetrator concept - a series of absurd fictitious crime abstracts.

I'm a pretty freakin' picky eater. Seeweeuswy you guys. Example? I grew up in a household that ate predominantly Italian food. I grew up in a household that also made me eat whatever was put in front of me. And here I am, with utter distaste for peppers, onions, and tomatoes (okay in sauce, as long as they're not chunky).

For some reason, however, I find it pretty easy to try out new seafood. Ever since I was a youngin' in Bayville, New Jersey, I've tried out dish after dish of sea food at my old friend Matthew Stevens' house, be it blowfish, lobster, or mako shark steak. Last year on my honeymoon, I went a step further and tasted amazing ahi tuna that was barely seared, leaving the inside cool and uncooked. This, too, was delicious.

None of this could prepare me for the obvious next step...sushi. Specifically make-zushi often containing raw fish.

So I planned an occasion with my wing-man, Dave, whereupon I'd settle this food score once and for all. This past Saturday, we headed for Hana Zushi in Shockhoe Slip for dinner. Dave, being a bit experienced with sushi already, helped me choose my gastric weapons and provided moral support. We each ordered a la carte, selecting from a decent listing of rolls and nagiri. Our plan was to divide and conquer, sharing our selected rolls that we each may experience a broad range of flavors.

My verdict? I really enjoyed the experience - both the exhiliration of walking out on a culinary limb and the food itself. The most amazing point of the evening was realizing a distinct difference between the sushi and most Western food that I've yet eaten:

Whereas with Western food (or perhaps cooked food in general) you tend to experience the full taste of the food when you bite into your morsel, the sushi did not provide its full spectrum of flavors until I had chewed the piece for a moment or so. Once I had given a few rounds of molar-attack to my spicy tuna roll, for example, the full effect of the combination of ingredients spread accross my tongue like a taste epiphany.

Wholly different from anything I've yet ingested, yet intriguing and delicious, I have a feeling I'll be seeking out new sushi bars in the future.

So I know I already mentioned Sufjan Stevens' Come on feel the Illinoise album a while ago, but I just have to mention it again, because I've been listening to little other than this album for the past week.

There are so many layers to so many of these songs, and when you have a chance to sit down and really listen to the musical depth of this CD, I think you begin to appreciate it more. A reviewer on Amazon mentioned that to listen simply to part of this disc would be taking it out of context; you really need to soak in the complete album to fully understand it. I would agree - and I think that's why I've been vibin' off of it so much recently.

Songs like, "The Predatory Wasp of the Pallisades is Out to Get Us," and "The Tallest Man, the Broadest Shoulders" do a fantastic job of wrapping up the second half of the album, completing the sense of musical balance that Sufjan constructs in the first half.

Look at me, I'm gushing...I just couldn't keep quiet about this, sitting here as I am, anticipating the arrival of Greetings from Michigan, the Great Lakes State in the mail this week (his first states-oriented album).

UPDATE: My album arrived today, and I'm antsy to start digging in! Rock!

On a more pleasant note...do check out The Beacon Hill Project to see me hangin' out with the rest of the squad and Mars Ill at a recent concert here in the R-I-C. I'm the bloke in the very middle, with Manchild to the far left, and Dust to the far right.

Yo.

If you have a decent media player on your computer and aren't restricted by a corporate firewall (try iTunes, if you are), then go over to Radio Paradise right now and give a listen. And make sure you listen for at least an hour or so, in order to get the full effect.

The more you listen to this, the less you'll want to listen to FM - unless of course you like top 40 garbage...

So last night I was seriously thinking about writing an exalting post about what I consider to be Richmond, VA's best sandwich: 821 Cafe's Smoked Turkey and Chedder Sub w/ Bacon. Typically, this sandwhich comes with succulent smoked turkey, sliced thin, yellow chedder melted over it, and the optional bacon, on really delicious bread. Served nice and hot with a pile of incendiary fries on the side, this sandwhich works on soooooooooooooo many levels.

Well last night, it didn't. I'm not entirely certain (because I didn't ask), but I think they ran out of smoked turkey and filled in the gap with their roast turkey...it was just enough difference in taste to be a bit dry and boring. Still mostly delicious, and the bacon really helped, but in general, disappointing.

Dang.