Ploafmaster General

To all my dog food gangstas:


This delightfully succinct card can help you avoid direct vocal confrontation, and comes to you courtesy of the folks at Orange32.

Ford Motor Company today reported that it lost a record breaking...

TWELVE POINT SEVEN.

BILLION.

DOLLARS.

All this in the course of a year. That's like losing the complete domestic economic output of Jamaica. So lets see...in 2006 Ford loses $12.7 Billion. In 2005, GM lost $10.6 Billion. This year, Toyota is almost unanimously expected to take the No. 1 auto maker spot in the world.

Ask not for whom the bell tolls.

Dang, there really is some cool music coming out of Japan these days. An article in Slate Magazine explains how to sample some of the Asian hotness through iTunes, and after checking some out myself, I agree: it's a real shame that certain elements of the music bidness prevent simple international music distribution - especially in this digital age!

Alright Nintendo, when are you going to open up the floodgates and start shipping more Wii units? I've got a serious craving for some new Legend of Zelda action!

Aight, this is totally nerdy, but even Mugs can get into this one.

Just noticed an announcement on my site's WordPress dashboard that they've upgraded to version 2.1, and fittingly named the juicy new joint after the finest Jazz vocalist ever to push air through vocal cords, Ella Fitzgerald.

Peep the link to see the new features, and perhaps a few of you (Patrick, Chris, Mugs) will understand why this bears mentioning.

Now if only Dreamhost (my hosting company) would update their one-click upgrades so I could do the do here at work :-)

Tonight marks the return of new episodes of Heroes!

I'm totally stoked to see what happens, and what new heroes are discovered.

Woot!

HUZZAH!!!! HUZZAH!!!! HUZZAH!!!!

The Colts staged the largest AFC championship comeback in the history of the NFL! The boys finally beat the Pats, and Peyton Manning finally has a chance to hit the Super Bowl!

I'm so amped right now, I think my head might a splode.

Ladies and gentlemen, for too long the fine art of high-fiving has been relegated to the spontaneous celebration of sports fans and homies.

Today, that changes.

Today, I give you, the League of Competitive High-Fiving. Are you ready to take your high-fives to the next level? Are you ready to train for strength, speed, and "big ups"? Are you ready for the high-pitched slapping sound of palm striking palm and its accompanying glory? Then join us, and raise your hands high.

I just read the most hilarious take on wine selection from a link off of Kottke.org.

I merely hope that someday I can hone my weekly feature into something close to the caliber of "The Non-Expert."

Q: Why is tortellini shaped so strange?

A: Food question! And Italian food, no less! Way to go, Chris. Let's see if I can address this in a coherent manner...

After looking into the matter, I've discovered that there are several vaguely similar theories creating a a basic mythological story. Essentially, a peeping-Tom innkeeper peered through the keyhole to check out a beautiful woman. With only candle light in the room, and his narrow field of vision through the keyhole, he was only able to see her belly button. To the innkeeper, this was still - apparently - so marvelous that he rushed off to the kitchen to create a piece of pasta that would remind him of his voyeuristic escapade.

Not quite the rustic explanation I was expecting :-) Either way, tortellini is my favorite stuffed pasta, and will forever remind me of the finest meal I consumed in Rome - Tortellini alla Panna con Prosciutto Crudo - cheese-filled tortellini in a cream sauce with chopped ham. Wow, it was good.

That's it! Remember to post questions for next week's Ask Dan in the comments section.

Ciao!

You know, a while back, I created a MySpace profile despite many misgivings in a pitiful attempt to drive more traffic here. I haven't done anything to the page because I haven't wanted to mess with that. I just wanted it as a means for people to find me, thereby finding my real website.

Well, MySpace sucks. Spam comments and notes, loud insane profiles, and general vomit.

I'd heard of Facebook, and wanted to join for the sake of all my VCU/Intervarsity friends way back when, but VCU does not do alumni email addies, so at the time I was SOL. They recently opened up to everybody, however, and after some nudging by my sister and law and my buddy Nate (who's decidedly anti-trendy-stuff, incidentally), I caved and created a profile there.

First off, I'll say that the interface is MUCH cleaner than MySpace. Perhaps it's because they don't let you customize your page, but man, "apartment white" never looked so good.

Second, I just discovered something totally sweet about it. You see, I never really wanted to spend too much time maintaining a profile on Facebook, either. I was, again, hoping vainly that such a profile would drive traffic to my site. This, perhaps would increase my readership from six to seven :-) Well I was looking at the "notes" feature, and discovered that I could "import" a blog. What they really meant was that I can link a blog to my profile, so that posting here will automatically show up as a note on my Facebook profile. That means that anybody who cares enough to look at my profile will see my updates to this site, which I think is pretty dope. The whole process was seamless, and involved the simple pasting of my site's URL into the page. Two clicks, and it's ready. Well done, Facebook.

My boss sent this clip around the office this morning, and I thought it looked supremely awesome:
[youtube [www.youtube.com/watch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Sd5G2EcOvQ&w=425&h=350])

Okay, so an update on the last post is in order.

My review ran to about an hour, rather than the half hour for which it was scheduled. This was a good thing.

I have a great boss, and with that the ability to be very open with him about my job satisfaction and career. Aside from receiving a very positive annual appraisal from him and several coworkers, it was suggested that I try for a promotion this coming year. That means a year from today, should I complete the necessary milestones, I could be a Senior Programmer/Analyst. Hopefully, throughout this year ahead I'll work on more analytical tasks coupled with some documentation. We'll see.

Additionally, I was able to speak with my boss about my future in the company. I told him of my desire to start some freelance work on the side. I told him about my difficulties liking my current job responsibilities. He listened, he encouraged. Ultimately, I was reminded why I like so much to work with my team and my manager.

I think I'll be alright for another year :-)

Today I have my annual performance review. I don't know how to feel about it compared to last year. I don't feel as if I have the same rising-star image that I did a year ago - not because I feel that I haven't accomplished much, but because I feel as if I've grown into my job title more appropriately. Stabilized, as it were.

At the same time, I don't feel as if it's time for me to move up the ranks - but again, this isn't because I feel insufficient. For several months, I've heard that a clear line of progression would be laid out by my superiors indicating which steps must be taken for promotion, but I've as yet heard no details. Has this not been finalized? I essentially don't know what it takes to advance in my team. Maybe it's not even that, however...

Perhaps the team is just the right size, and we have to have some lower level folks to do the lower level detail work? The data fixes, the small code changes, the occasional new process. That would REALLY suck, because it would require me to remain in my roll until a) somebody above me moved up or out, or b) we garnered enough new business to justify more entry-level positions, freeing me to move up.

Don't misunderstand me - I don't want to sound like some corporate-ladder-climbing IT guy. I do, however, want to get out of the low-level details, and move up to more broad design and diagnostic work. More analysis. Less coding.

Maybe it's my time, maybe I'm not. Hopefully I'll have a better idea after today.

According to the BBC News website, Illinois junior senator Barack Obama has formed an exploratory committee - the first step towards a presidential run. On February 10th, apparently, he plans to make an official statement regarding the committee.

So...I suppose it's time to start researching this fella more deeply. I'd prefer to have a well-informed opinion of why I would or would not vote for the much-lauded Obama. Since he's a senator, we're in luck! We can go to Project Vote Smart, and review his complete Senate voting record. That should help cut through any hype, emotion, and potential campaign garbage that left-leaning individuals get caught up in around this guy..

Of course, the next presidential election is nearly two years away, but it never hurts to start early :-)

Alright...we have our championship games set...

For the NFC, we have the New Orleans Saints traveling to Soldier Field to take on the Chicago Bears, who won in overtime against the Seattle Seahawks. In the AFC we have a classic match up between the New England Patriots and the Indianapolis Colts in Indiana.

Can Peyton Manning finally make it to the Super Bowl? Will the Bears get to their first bowl since the 80s? Or will Tom Brady pull off his usual playoff greatness? Perhaps the Saints will finally make it the big bowl game?

Who knows? We'll find out the line up for Super Bowl XLI next Sunday!

Q: What is the mysterious “hard place” alluded to in one of the overused, overpopular[sic], absolutely nauseating phrase “caught between a rock and a hard place”?

A: I'll ignore the fact the Mugs is making a big deal out of a phrase whose meaning is understood and significance is minimal, and instead attempt to approximate an answer.

I think one might naturally assume that "a hard place" is perhaps another rock, or even a cliff face. How else would you come to be caught 'twixt a rock and a hard place unless a rock fell behind you while examining the boulder in front? And you know what? This brings up a more important question and/or line of thought...How did you get caught between said rock and hard place? I assume nobody dropped you between them from a helicopter. Isn't it really your own fault that you're there? I mean, if you hadn't gone the wrong way in the first place, perhaps you wouldn't have come face to face with a rock wall, pondering its vastness in a dull stupor, only to have a car-sized lith plop down at your back.

In other words, extending the metaphor, didn't you get yourself into this situation?

Do you like that? How I finished up "Ask Dan" with a question?

Anyway, that's it for this week. Post your questions for next week in the comments section, and I'll answer next Friday!

So David Beckham announced that he's signing with American Major League Soccer team, the LA Galaxy.

Will such a high profile world athlete (albeit later in his career) help invigorate the still on-the-fringe sport in America?

Here's hoping. Soccer can be freakin' exciting, and I sure would love to see the same excitement here that I caught in Old Town Square in Prague during the World Cup.

Any Fortune 500 company worth its salt wouldn't rest on its laurels when a competitor unveils a hot new toy, right?

Ladies and gentlemen, the ZunePhone.
[youtube [www.youtube.com/watch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRLRjKCGHek&w=425&h=350])

Well, physically, at least.

Today I moved to the third floor in my building, and I have a window seat! Huzzah!

Gotta celebrate the small victories...that's what I keep telling myself...

Today from about 12 pm to 2 pm EST, I'll be pretty much useless as I sit glued to my monitor at work, repeatedly hitting F5 to refresh my browser.

Today, Steve Jobs delivers his keynote address at Macworld Expo in San Francisco, and like many Mac nerds, I'm champing at the bit to see what new Apple hotness will be revealed...

UPDATE:
Keynote over, we have two sweet devices. First, the pre-announced media streaming box is officially unveiled as the Apple TV. That's all well and good, but really...

THE iPhone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apple's new phone is tiny (for a smartphone - more like a GENIUSphone), has a wide screen, gesture/touch input, bluetooth, and WAY more. It comes out in June, and it's the first thing I've seen that makes my HTC Wizard look like a steaming pile.

Oh yeah, and it runs a fairly feature packed OS X as well, with real applications. There's so much more to say about it, but I think Apple, Inc. (not Apple Computer anymore) says it best.

The NFL playoffs began yesterday, and the Colts made it past round 1 by proving they have a run defense against the Chiefs' Larry Johnson!!! Even though Payton Manning threw three interceptions (two by former New Englander Ty Law), he was generally in top form completing around 75% of his passes and moving the team up the field. Let's see how well they fair against the Ravens next week...

And SWEET FANCY MOSES, the Dallas Cowboys LOST by one point to the Seahawks. That leaves the Eagles against my New York Giants from the NFC East, and they square off today at 4. Today also gives us the Patriots versus the Jets to determine who gets to face the onslaught that is LaDanien Tomlinson next weekend.

Go Big Blue Wrecking Crew!!!

Before you read the rest of this, you should check out Microsoft's overview of the new Office interface.

Lots of businesses are worried about having to relearn a suite of applications that's become so deeply ingrained in our commerce that it's considered a basic skill for almost every level of every industry.

I, personally, don't know what to think yet. Microsoft's history of inconsistency and bugs makes me worry that what appears to be their first serious software innovation in ages may choke on the execution. For the first time I'm aware of, however, I'm actually hoping that the folks in Redmond really nail this.

You know, I realized just now that posting a slug for the next Ask Dan is ridiculous. So here's what I'm gonna do:

1. I'm still deciding which question I'll answer by the end of the day Wednesday, unless I see a comment on Thursday morning that was posted Wednesday night.

2. I'll still answer my question of choice by the end of the day on Friday.

3. I'm not going to post the initial Ask Dan posts anymore on Sundays. Instead, I encourage people to post their questions as a comment on the answer posts. Any questions posted after Wednesday will be considered for the next Ask Dan.

Hooray! I've now made a simple thing confusing! And all this for the half dozen people who look at my site! I RULE!

Q: A multi-faceted question for a multi-faceted guy.
If you found yourself alone on the Serengeti with nothing but a pocketwatch[sic] and a barometer, how would each of the following allow you to survive:
a) Sucking the lifemilk[sic] from a wounded Gnu?
b) Playing hide and seek with an angry lion?
c) Hooking up with the Jolie-Pitt entourage?

A: Welcome to one of my ultimate Home Boys, Robert. This grad-school essay-style Q/A should provide a bit of insight into how my brain has worked since oh, say, 10th grade. So here goes!

a) Since gnus, whether wounded or otherwise, cannot read a barometer, I'd use the false hope of a coming rainy season (still 4 months away in actuality) to help build within the beast the strength to carry on despite its injuries. Additionally, I think suckling milk from the hurt animal would give me the energy and moisture to keep from wasting away while simultaneously developing the necessary mother-son bond that would allow me to ride the gnu out of the grasslands to a remote town in Botswana.

b) Playing hide and seek (successfully) with a lion would cause the lion to give up living in frustration at its lack of seeking prowess. The lion is angry because the lionesses have repeatedly questioned his manhood since "they do most of the hunting anyway, and he has yet to quit loafing and get a real job." This welling anger coupled with my out-smarting the so-called King of the Jungle (or savanna?) would drive him to climb the highest tree in the vicinity and throw himself off, ensuring not to land on his feet as cats so often do. Once liberated from his life, I would then remove his pelt (respectfully and carefully) to use as a lame disguise to escape the rest of the lions undetected. The lionesses would simply mistake me for their lazy male counterpart "ignoring responsibility and ditching just like every other man."

c) Here's where the pocket watch comes in handy, but I'm not going to tell you why, because that's too easy. All I really have to do here is imitate the mating call of a Soderbergh screenplay for "Ocean's 37" or something of that nature, and Pitt would ignore Jolie just long enough to pick me up and toss me in the back of his traveling caravan, to be read later. What he doesn't know, of course, is that I'm in fact a hitcher with a fondness for pocket watches, and I'm just looking for a way out.

Confused? I hope so. I'm sure Robert understands my response, and I hope you at least found it amusing. Or demented. Either way, question answered.

Ciao, and look out for the next Ask Dan!