Improv Dictionary

My daughter and I invented a little game this afternoon that gave us some good laughs for a solid half hour. We call it "Improv Dictionary", and we basically take turns with one person making up a word and the other making up its definition. She’s six years old now, but I immediately started thinking about playing this as she get older and more capable with her writing or computer skills. We could actually start cataloging the words we make up into a document or little notepad so we can remember what we’ve done before - a real sort of silly dictionary of our own.

Assorted Free Character Names for Your Next Action Blockbuster

In no particular order, in an ordered list:

  1. Oak Beefthorne
  2. Maxwell Fang
  3. Scud Prolapse
  4. Ramstein Ramrod
  5. Bud Cort
  6. Durmstrang Spinewrangler
  7. Dug Bärenjäger
  8. Herc Smaash
  9. Peterpeter Pumpkeneeder
  10. Tad Badly

Look at the Treeeeeeeeeee

Every year I get my Christmas tree I can't help returning to this video. Should be extra special for you if you're a fan of Linda Belcher.


camera goggles

ansel with a camera in front of his face

Outtake from my Creatives series.

Perfect example of how well Ansel participated in my silly little endeavor.

Ektar 100
Graflex Speed Graphic


I laughed so hard at this I almost wet my pants:

(via jnonfiction)

simon's cat

Please do yourself a favor and watch a few of these short films about Simon's Cat. It'll make your day filled with jolliness.


generic introspective blog post

First person, self-referential introductory sentence that only hints at the full content of the blog post.

Another sentence that, still self-referential, connects the introductory sentence to this paragraph after an extra line (Parenthetical statement pointing out that the extra line was for dramatic effect. No mention of the amateur nature of this writing contrivance). Further explanation of the situation couched in a personal anecdote that has the tone of whining complaint. Rhetorical questioning of mutual understanding with readership - a readership that is, assuredly, small.

Here is where the blog post begins to collapse on itself. Tangentially-related point that causes this paragraph to devolve into self-pitying, half-coherent platitudes. Self-conscious recognition of derailed original intentions for this post. Obsequious yet still self-pitying apologies to hypothetical audience.

Dismissive valediction.

Hey, remember?

Hey, remember when you had to worry about skip protection on your portable CD player? If you were riding in the car with somebody you'd often have to hold the device gingerly on your lap because, despite said skip protection, the vibration of the car would eat that up in a hurry.

Hey, remember when you could buy the old formula of NyQuil over the counter without anybody suspecting you of being a meth head?

Hey, remember when you could, as a little kid, enter the cockpit of a commercial aircraft and greet the pilot? I got a little pair of American Airlines wings during a flight when I was six years old.

Hey, remember when the soles of flip-flops used to be made with an isotope of a rare-earth metal that would faintly stain your heels if you wore them every day? You had to alternate between your flops and some other kind of shoe every day unless you wanted folks to think you walked barefoot and didn't shower often.

Hey, remember when you could collect the UPC codes from cereal boxes and send them in to General Mills for gold coins? It took a whole lot of UPCs, but it was a way for a young boy to build his own gold stockpile.

Hey, remember when you could buy human organs on the open market? I don't know why they stopped doing that - they made for nice decoration in the middle of a coffee table, or a centerpiece at Thanksgiving.

Hey, remember when calling the right phone number just as the clocks were changing over for Daylight Saving Time would result in super powers? Well, maybe mediocre powers. I still don't see anything quite so super about triple the normal level of mucous production or the ability to cook soup in the can just by thinking about it. Although "shave your face by thought" was pretty sweet. I still miss it.

No? Wait - did all three of your eyes just blink in sequence?

like a man possessed

I sure hope I don't haunt your dreams...

FACE from ploafmaster on Vimeo.

Conan Stands Up

Oh man. I hope he doesn't fade away from television or entertainment, or whatever. But I'm so glad to read Conan's statement (through the New York Times) regarding NBC's bone-headed move to shift the late night schedule around.

I'll watch Conan on any network, any time slot, and I respect his decision not to participate in the sinking of a great ship as executed by an aimless network with a management team that seams to be as creative as GM's design department.


My buddy Phil is writing a fairly regular new web comic strip! Read it! It's hilarious!

Failure to Land

Unknown to the passengers until they finally touched down in Minneapolis, a Northwest Airlines flight initially overshot the city by 150 miles...apparently because the crew members were "having a heated "discussion" which the FAA seems to have translated as "sleeping." Only the cockpit voice recorder will tell...'

Ze Frank on Health Care

Can anybody be simultaneously insightful and entertaining the way Ze Frank can, especially about serious topics like health care? Fantastic:

Nothing Left to Destroy

I seriously want to get each of these man-friendly reusable shopping bags.
(via drhastings)


Sure, there's a lot of humor in Rands' translation of contemporary business jargon, but when I'm neck-deep in it every day it's more than a little depressing.
(via Daring Fireball)

Five Different Nachos

Dude, bro:

(via yewknee)

Dear Photographer

Paul Armstrong is an incredible photographer. No, seriously - go spend some time digging through his Flickr stream before you keep reading.
Good? I told you so. Anyway, Paul Armstrong is also hilarious. Case in point: Dear Photographer, a collection of quips initially from Twitter that will, hopefully, grow as time goes by. I'm sure many of us are guilty of at least one of his points, but they're funny none-the-less.

Do you know William, William Joel?

I always enjoy reading Amelie Gillette's The Hater on the A.V. Club, but there are occasions where she really outdoes herself.

Yesterday's "The Goop Translator" is one such occasion.

Yo Mama (is nice!)

McSweeney's, that wellspring of wit, has a new take on Yo Mama humor from Lucas Klauss. Exempli gratia:

Yo mama is so attractive she could be on the cover of Prevention.


Look, I'm pretty pumped about the new Star Trek movie, but I think it's time something was settled once and for all:

Clip your phrases with a sharpened hockey stick.

Rosecrans Baldwin made me crack up with his survey of accents around the English-speaking world and how to impersonate them in a jam. I think this was my clear favorite:

Accent: Irish

Scenario: After a short Dublin breakfast, it’s time for a drink. You find a pub suitably Irish without an obvious thing for tourists. Local contractors on their coffee break watch your entrance. The bartender nods and asks what you’d like.

Tips & Tricks: The Irish accent is one of the world’s most beautiful, and nobody knows it better than the Irish. Frankly, you don’t stand a chance of sliding by. Your best bet is to impersonate Colin Farrell on a bender and punch out the whole crowd.

Response: Don’t even try it. They will kill you.

Breaded To the Point Of Parody

Mercy me, but Patton Oswalt's review of the KFC Famous Bowl is funny enough to bust guts.

Meme Fail?

I can't decide whether FAIL stickers are totally awesome or an example of how this meme is way overripe.
(via uncrate)

Master of Simile

A smart, talented, accomplished writer-actor like Myers spending years meticulously creating, rehearsing, and refining an obnoxious one-note cartoon like Guru Pitka is a like a group of brilliant scientists working around the clock for a decade to build a malfunctioning fart machine...

Nathan Rabin in his dissection of The Love Guru

Raisin Brahms

This is seriously the funniest public service announcement I've ever seen. Guten taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag!