Ploafmaster General

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Hey, remember?

Hey, remember when you had to worry about skip protection on your portable CD player? If you were riding in the car with somebody you'd often have to hold the device gingerly on your lap because, despite said skip protection, the vibration of the car would eat that up in a hurry.

Hey, remember when you could buy the old formula of NyQuil over the counter without anybody suspecting you of being a meth head?

Hey, remember when you could, as a little kid, enter the cockpit of a commercial aircraft and greet the pilot? I got a little pair of American Airlines wings during a flight when I was six years old.

Hey, remember when the soles of flip-flops used to be made with an isotope of a rare-earth metal that would faintly stain your heels if you wore them every day? You had to alternate between your flops and some other kind of shoe every day unless you wanted folks to think you walked barefoot and didn't shower often.

Hey, remember when you could collect the UPC codes from cereal boxes and send them in to General Mills for gold coins? It took a whole lot of UPCs, but it was a way for a young boy to build his own gold stockpile.

Hey, remember when you could buy human organs on the open market? I don't know why they stopped doing that - they made for nice decoration in the middle of a coffee table, or a centerpiece at Thanksgiving.

Hey, remember when calling the right phone number just as the clocks were changing over for Daylight Saving Time would result in super powers? Well, maybe mediocre powers. I still don't see anything quite so super about triple the normal level of mucous production or the ability to cook soup in the can just by thinking about it. Although "shave your face by thought" was pretty sweet. I still miss it.

No? Wait - did all three of your eyes just blink in sequence?