Clip your phrases with a sharpened hockey stick.

Rosecrans Baldwin made me crack up with his survey of accents around the English-speaking world and how to impersonate them in a jam. I think this was my clear favorite:

Accent: Irish

Scenario: After a short Dublin breakfast, it’s time for a drink. You find a pub suitably Irish without an obvious thing for tourists. Local contractors on their coffee break watch your entrance. The bartender nods and asks what you’d like.

Tips & Tricks: The Irish accent is one of the world’s most beautiful, and nobody knows it better than the Irish. Frankly, you don’t stand a chance of sliding by. Your best bet is to impersonate Colin Farrell on a bender and punch out the whole crowd.

Response: Don’t even try it. They will kill you.