Tactical

Because I’m materialistic and live on the internet, I check Uncrate everyday. Here is a website aimed at geeky dudes who think they’re cooler than reality supports, but they tend to have some nice product photos (when not using PR shots) and the occasional stuff that I actually end up buying. I’ve been reading the site for a few years now, and one category cracks me up every time: tactical doodads.

Tactical, in this sense, seems to refer to practical war tools. A tactical flashlight, for example, may include a red lens cover so you can see what’s in front of you without giving away your position. But what if you want to bring a pen to a gun fight? Turns out you have a number of options.

So maybe alpha geeks have redefined tactical to mean “may be used as a weapon”. I mean, I’ve heard of “the dogs of war”, but I don’t think I care whether Fido’s on a leash while I stroll through the battlefield that used to be a suburban park:

Taken to extremes (more extreme than the pens?), you find yourself looking at a tactical spork:

And a tactical pillow:

With such a robust and varied industry of tactical products, you’d think we were living in a state of total war or something…

At least the makers of Tactical Bacon aren’t taking themselves too seriously.