Man, I hate mowing the lawn. I always have – since I started at the age of ten on a yard in Bayville NJ that was more gravel than grass. Imagine being marginally taller than the mower handle itself while round pebbles and debris shoot from the back of the mower. You’re trying to avoid damage to more than shins at that height.

It’s somewhat ironic, then, that I purchased a house with such a monumentally large yard (for a city lot). I love having a plot of land big enough to run around, play horse shoes, or have a large get-together, but it certainly creates a conundrum; I have to mow this huge freakin’ pile o’ grass.

Up until recently, I’ve had to do this with a push mower. I’ve loathed this, of course, but what I’ve loathed more was my (otherwise wonderful) wife’s reluctance to see why I wanted a ride-on. Every time friends and family came over for the first time, I had to endure the question, “Do you have a ride-on?” Well finally I do. Thanks to Mugs’ move to a place without a yard, he’s gifted me his lazy mower, and I aim to use it. The problem is, I think I need to get a new spark plug and battery. And removing that spark plug is going to take removing some other parts first…ugh…

So here’s hoping I don’t contract West Nile virus from the mosquitos which inhabit my currently over-grown yard, as I lie on my back beneath the front end of my newly acquired lawn-chopper trying desperately to extract a spark plug using my Leatherman.